Side by Side
by Jane Opries
Summary: After 'A Choice with No Regrets'. Levi leaves behind Hattie for the Survey Corps after the death of Isabel and Farlan. Desperate to be by his side again, she joins the military. After five years and no attention from the captain, she becomes heart broken to not be reunited with her 'family', even after gaining his attention. Rated M for language and possible sexual situations.
1. Chapter 1

**Hola my readers! I am in the last few stages of my other stories and thinking of all those things made another idea pop up in my head, so this is kind of a side project. I will try to have all 3 SnK stories updated once a week, maybe more for the other 2, since they are in their final chapters. **

**This is a Levi x OC and I have not decided if I want to write a lemon or not, so for now, the rating will be M. If you like the story, make sure you follow and/or favorite it so that if any changes are made, you can easily find it. I have also used an OC generator to make pictures of my OCs, so if you would like, I will post them on my DeviantArt. My user name is Ulyesses.**

**I usually dedicate songs to the chapters I am working on and if you are familiar with my other stories, you will know that I am an avid Ellie Goulding fan.**

_**WARNING: **_**This fic is not 100% fitted to the manga or anime and may have a few things pulled out of thin air. This does, however, coincide with A Choice With No Regrets, so we are going way back before wall Maria tumbled down.**

**Another warning, I am known for cliff hangers. You've been seriously warned.**

**Reviews are appreciated, though not expected. I check my charts, I know if people are reading or not, but I do love comments and constructive criticism. I can't get better with out it!**

**Song: I know you care by Ellie Goulding**

_**DISCLAIMER: **__**I DO NOT OWN SHENGEKI NO KYOJIN OR ITS CHARACTERS. I ONLY OWN MY OC'S AND PLOT LINE. **_

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><p>She was young when she meet him. Starving, cold, sick, and barely able to move. People dying in the gutter in the underground was not uncommon and she was almost one of them. She had no home, no family, no name; there was nothing for her until he found her.<p>

He was young too, in his early twenties. He had two others with him, Isabel and Farlan. Isabel was almost scared of her, while Farlan seemed upset at the other man for wanting to take her back to their home. "She could have diseases." He had argued. But _he_ ignored it.

Levi. His name was Levi. Despite his abrasive personallity, Isabel being extremely hyperactive, and Farlan always at an arm's length, they became her family. Isabel called her 'Sissy' and Farlan called her 'Squirt'. Since she had no name to begin with, the first night she was with them, they named her Hattie.

Levi demanded that she have a bath and get all that gutter 'filth' off of her. Isabel was thrilled to see that once the dirt was cleaned off, Hattie was actually a very cute girl. She had large sky blue eyes, rimmed with dark lashes; fair skin (with a few bruises from being on the streets) with a few freckles on her nose, pouty lips, and long, fair blond hair. Isabel said she was too pretty to be living in the underground. Levi insisted that she wear her hair up so that it would not get caught and was not so easy to pull. He almost smacked himself when she pulled it up into a lop-sided pony tail.

She lived with them for years, growing into one of them and occasionally helping with jobs. Levi taught her how to use a 3DMG and gave her a pair of goggles he had snatched from some one he had killed. Though morbid, she cherished the gift and wore them on her head at all times. They were convenient when flying around.

When she turned sixteen, five years after they had found her, she noticed that Farlan started staring at her more and more and Isabel was sharing more of her clothes with her. It wasn't like she had a lot any way, making more sense to share their clothes.

She didn't get very tall, but she wasn't such a 'squirt' any more either. She was eye level with Levi and though he wasn't very tall, his personality sure made it seem like it. Farlan always found ways to tease her, nudge her side, or put an arm around her. That made Isabel gag and Levi kick Farlan in the shin almost on a daily bases. And then, in a blink of an eye, they were gone. They took a job and Levi made her stay behind, alone, in their little crumbled shack in the underground.

"I think you are being completely unfair, Levi, I am capable of doing this job too." She pouted at dinner, not touching the little amount of food they were able to conjure up.

"I didn't ask you for your opinion. You're not going, that is final." He picked up his tea in that strange way of his, looking over the cup at her. "You are not as experienced as the other two."

She grit her teeth, her nails digging into her palms almost painfully. "That is bullshit!"

"Sissy, when we get back, it won't matter. We will be able to live in the Capital!" Isabel sighed and rested her cheek against her palm. "We won't have to share clothes or sleep in the same bed."

Hattie stuck her tongue out at her, but still boiled in her seat. She wanted to see outside the wall too. She wondered if the sky was more blue.

And they left. Hattie stayed behind in their home, staring at her boots. There was not much to do. Cleaning, patching holes in the ceiling, stitching up clothing. That was all she had.

After a week of being alone, she decided that if she could make it up to the surface, perhaps she could see if she could snag a job. She wouldn't kill, that was Levi's speciality. It wasn't that hard to find one as soon as she reached the surface either. Nobles were rotten people.

When she heard that the gate was opening so the Survey Corps could return, she was one of the first to line the streets to see her friends come back. She was ready to not eat garbage or live in that shack underground. She was ready for good food and her own clothes. She could barely contain her excitement.

The men coming through the gate were torn to pieces, literally and figuratively. They all had hollow eyes and horrified expressions. And the three she was looking for weren't with them. She kept looking, feeling panic rise in her as more and more injured soldiers filed in. Then the cart of the casualties appeared.

On his horse, next to the cart, was Levi. The look on his face wasn't right and the way he stared forward with the same hollow look as the others made her heart beat faster. The caravan stopped and Levi was almost right in front of her. She broke through the crowd, anxious to see her friend and the others."Levi!" She stumbled out, catching her balance. "Wait!"

His head barely turned towards her and she felt her stomach twist. "What happened? Are you okay? Where is Isabel and Farlan?" She tried to take his hand, but he jerked away from her, as if she was filthy. "Levi?"

He sat there for a few moments, as if he was contemplating telling her, before dismounting his horse and looking at her. She swallowed. "Where is Isabel and Farlan, Levi?" She asked more desperately. In her heart, something told her that she didn't want the answer. He turned from her and walked towards the cart, Hattie on his heels. She tried not to cry. Why was he going to the casuality cart? Stopping at his side, she found that no matter how hard she tried, her eyes began to water.

"We were fools." Was all he said before he pulled back some of the tarp, Isabel's eyes appearing. There was no body, her mouth hanging open in a silent scream.

She stepped back, gasping and her tears making hot trails down her face and Hattie felt her despair take over. "No...Izzy...no." She stroked the hair that was showing, hoping that in some way, it would make the nightmare end. She stared at the pile of bodies in front of her.

"I'm staying with them. I have to go." Levi covered the head that once belonged to her friend and turned away.

"What...?" She turned away from them and faced Levi again. "You mean...you're going away?" She tried to reach towards him again, but like before, he pulled away.

He walked toward his horse, the dead look in his eyes never-fading. "Don't go back to the way of life I taught you. Do better. For them." He mounted his horse.

She rushed to his side, grabbing his pant leg, her heart pounding against her ribs painfully. "You can't leave me, we're family. You're all I have left. Please..."

He stared down at her, reaching under his cape and pulling out a chain, holding it out to her. She took it and held it in her hands. It was the key that Isabel used to wear around her neck. "It was Isabel's. Maybe we will cross paths again some day." He nudged his horse and trotted up toward the front. She stared after him, her eyes glistening with tears.

She was alone, again. But that did not drag her down. After that day, no matter how much she resented him for choosing the Survey Corps over her, she swore that she would be by his side again, no matter what it took. She would have her family again.

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><p><em>Five flippin' years and all I have to show for it is shoveling shit. <em>Hattie sighed as she continued to muck out the stalls. She had graduated, survived the attack on Trost, and joined the Survey Corps. She had been in for two years, dealing with the drama of Eren Jaeger and Historia Reiss, following orders, and holding in her sass as best she could, and now all she did was shovel shit.

And she never saw Levi. Occasionally she would see him around or he would run the drills, but she was never able to _see_ him face to face. He had grown old, she noticed. His age just made him more intolerable. Not that she minded. He was alive, that was all that mattered. And not only that, but he didn't seem to recognize her at all. She looked different, but not that different. _How could he miss the fucking goggles, that dumbass!_

Instead of her messy side pony tail, she now wore it in a bun on her head. It wasn't the neatest bun, but it wasn't as bad as the pony tail. And she tried her best to be clean. Maybe that is why Levi never visited her quarters for inspection.

Commander Hange liked to tease Hattie and liked how hot-headed the younger girl could get. It was almost like the woman got off on how much she could annoy Hattie. But despite that, Hattie genuinely liked her superior. She had also made friends with Mikasa, Sasha, Eren, and a few other's from her graduating class. But she was one of the few people who Mikasa could challenge and actually have a decent spar. They also shared the same wish to be close to those their family and loved ones. Hattie never revealed her relations to Levi with the others but it was obvious she was trying to gain his attention. Jean found it necessary to tease her about it. She found it necessary to punch the side of his head.

Truthfully, she thought she would get her chance to reunite with Levi when they took back Wall Maria. It only made things more complicated since he was now busier than ever. Sometimes she would remember Isabel and Farlan and wanted to run into Levi's arms for comfort. She missed her family. She missed her and Isabel's shenanigans, she missed Farlan's jokes, and she missed Levi's presence.

"Hey! Wester! We're being called! You better not smell like horse shit or you'll get written up!" Connie yelled from the other side of the stalls. She mumbled under her breath and quickly made her way to the court-yard, wiping her shoes on the grass as she went.

She fell in with the others, adjusting the goggles on her head and straighten her jacket. She looked over to see Mikasa talking with Eren. "What did we get called for? We already drilled today." Hattie asked the dark-haired girl. Mikasa shrugged and leaned towards her.

"I heard that some one pulled a prank and now we are all going to get it."

Hattie scoffed and scowled. "Awesome. When I find out who did it, I will give them a reason to cry." Mikasa nodded in agreement.

Coming out of a door into the courtyard was Commander Hange, Captain Levi, and Squad Leader Moblit. The Commander and her sidekick looked like they were about to burst into laughter, while Levi looked like he was going to stab someone. Hattie hated that look. He used to give it to her when she wouldn't do the dishes. Everyone saluted in respect.

"Listen up." Levi stepped forward and Hattie was reminded of how intimidating he was. He was short, but he wasn't a little guy. He could pack a punch. "Some shit bag thought it would be funny," He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a piece of cloth. "To put this in my pillow case."

Hattie looked at the cloth closely and knew why Hange and Moblit were about to lose it. They were underwear. She was about to snicker when she noticed that they looked familiar. They were _her_ underwear. Mortification spread over her face and it turned white as the blood drained from it. Other members of the squad were trying not to laugh, but some failed. Some one shoved underwear up the Captain's pillowcase. It would be funny if they weren't _her's_.

"Who do these belong to?" He held them out more so the other's could see. Hattie almost fainted. He was touching her underwear. Unknowingly.

"Mikasa..." Hattie whispered at the girl. "Those are mine." She said in even a lower tone.

The dark-haired girl bit her lip and trembled as she tried not to laugh. "You're kidding."

Hattie shook her head, trying to hide her horrified expression. "I'm gonna die."

Mikasa nudged her, glaring at her friend. "Don't be melodramatic."

"Sir, I believe those belong to Wester." Sasha raised her hand and Hattie wanted to throttle her. She had to be in on it! Everyone's eyes flew to her and her face turned beet red. How could some one do that to her? She was doing so well!

Even though Hange looked like she was about to die of laughter, she stepped up next to the captain. "To my office, now." She waved her forward, her voice light. Hattie followed the trio, pretty sure that her career in the Survey Corps was ending today. And possibly her life. The look on Levi's face was only confirming her thoughts. The long walk up towards the commander's office was even more terrifying as every now and then she would find Levi sending her a death glare.

Once the door was shut to Hange's office, she began to laugh as she leaned against a messy desk. Moblit held his laughter but it was obvious he found this funny. Levi tossed the underwear at Hattie, who caught them with shame. "Oh, that is good." Hange sighed once she calmed down. "How did you pull that one off?"

Levi snarled and turned on Hange, crossing his arms. "This is not funny."

"On the contrary, Levi, this is hilarious." Hange put her arm around Hattie. "You are such a sneaky little girl!"

Hattie stuffed the panties into her pocket and kept looking down at the floor. "I didn't do it."

Hange tilted her head and dropped her arm. "Oh. That is a little embarrassing. Some one violated you too." The older woman shook her head. "Shameful."

Levi stepped closer to the two and his brow twitched. "Listen, I don't give a rat's ass who did it, some one is going to pay."

"It wasn't me, sir! I swear! Why would I even do that?" She felt her anger rise up slightly and she puffed up towards Levi. "In all respect, sir, I don't think your are thinking this through and acting irrationally."

"You think you can get away with talking to your superior that way? Two weeks paper work." Levi held up two fingers and then quickly turned away from her.

"But that's not fair!" Hattie looked at Hange, who shrugged at her. Some help she was.

"Four. You want more?" Levi turned around again.

Hange put a hand on Hattie's shoulder. "Why don't you go wait outside for a second?"

She didn't need to be told twice. She almost ran from the room in fear, anger, and embarrassment. She was just as much of a victim as he was! He was being so unreasonable. She didn't remember him being this irritable either.

She sat by the door, stewing in her thoughts while listening to the conversation inside.

"She's right, you are being a giant dick." She heard Hange say.

Hattie heard footsteps. He was pacing. "I don't like waking up to dirty underwear in my face."

"Ohhhhh! Maybe she wants you. You could get laid." Hange snickered and Hattie wanted to run back in there to stab her. That thought was almost...kind of gross. A little.

"Tch. Don't be disgusting. Fratinization between a subordinate and a superior is strictly prohibited. You should know that as the commander, shitty glasses." _Oh, now I am disgusting, too. Asshole._

"I don't think she did it. She's a good kid, just doing her best to get by here. She is a victim of the prank too, Levi."

"That brat isn't innocent and cute like you think she is."

"But she isn't the villain you are making her out to be. I will give you the four weeks you sentenced her with for her insubordination, but not because her underwear ended up in your bed."

Hattie didn't care to listen any more. She stood up and walked down the hall way, away from the door. She wasn't even going to wait for the commander to talk to her again and she definitely didn't want to see Levi. She was sure she would hit him.

When did he act so irrational and stupid? He didn't recognize her, he was flipping out over a prank that she was not part of intentionally, and he was acting like she was a nasty little bug under his boot. Heart break set in, but she refused to cry.

In the mess hall, she didn't sit next to any one and barely touched her food. Connie and Sasha were looking at her with sorry eyes, not expecting the consequences and backlash. Earlier, Connie tried to apologize and got a good hit to the gut. The word about her punishment spread like wild-fire and every one knew how pissed she was. Paperwork was worse than titans.

_What did I do to deserve to lose my family and be betrayed by friends like that? I didn't get into the top ten in my class, but that wasn't my goal. I met my goal. I have kept my nose clean and I have cleaned up my act. I thought I was doing good. I thought I was going to make him proud..._She pushed her food away and left the mess hall, heading to her room for the night. She didn't want to talk or see any one or feel their pity for her.

Opening her door, she stood in the doorway for a moment to look over her tiny living space. It was clean and tidy, like how Levi required all the rooms to be. She had no special belongings and only a couple civilian outfits for her days off (which was rarely ever). She did have a comb that Eren, Armin, and Mikasa got her for her birthday a year ago and the necklace Levi gave her that awful, fateful day.

She closed the door behind her and removed her uniform, hanging her jacket and placing boots in an orderly fashion near the door. She let her hair down and scratched her scalp. She remembered when Isabel would comb her fingers through her hair and yack on about how Farlan was a jerk and/or Levi was being a stupid boy or the home they dreamed of. The home where they would all live and never have to go hungry again.

On the table next to her bed, was a piece of paper. She picked it up and scowled.

_'Report in the morning to begin your punishment. Don't be late or I will come find you and put a boot up your ass.' _

She crumpled the paper in her hand, clenching her jaw. Her fingers touched the key around her neck. Isabel used to tell her that it was the key to their new home, where ever it was.

_Izzy, Farlan, I didn't ever want to imagine a home with out you. Now I have no home and my family is within reach, but he isn't the same._

She shook her head and slipped on her night-gown and crawled into her bed. It would do her no good if she let the thoughts fester in her mind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay! Chapter 2, let's get going, eh?**

**P.s. Readers, if Levi gets too out of character, please, please, please say something. I hate reading a story where they didn't even try, so please feel free to say, 'Whoa, I don't think so tater tot.'**

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><p>The amount of hatred Hattie had for paperwork was worse than the hatred she had for mucking out the horse stalls. Even worse, was that it was all of Levi's backed up paperwork from three months of procrastination.<p>

She rolled her wrist and popped her neck. Did he really have a thing against doing his paper work? It was assinine. On either side of her, was a large stacks of paper, neatly organized. She was going to need to use the four weeks she had to _maybe _finish a month's worth.

"Oi, where is the tea?"

Hattie rolled her eyes and sighed. "Sir, I came here to do the paperwork you assigned to me. I did not know that I needed to make tea. Are you asking that I leave my work to retrieve you some?" She pursed her lips and glanced at him.

He had his cheek pressed to his fist and a bored expression plastered on his face, except for the twitching brow. "Now, Wester."

Sighing, she got up and pushed her chair in, making sure he knew she was thoroughly annoyed. It wasn't that she didn't mind making him tea, but the way he was asking for it. She made a mental note to ask him if he had a time of the day it had to be made or his tantrum would start.

The kitchen was empty and she had no problem finding his tea cup and the can he stored his stash in. It was painfully obvious by the way they were sitting in an orderly fashion on the counter.

She remembered that he liked it boiling hot, black and strong, and one sugar cube in it. After brewing the tea and cleaning up after herself, she took the tray back to the captain's office.

Gently setting it on his desk, she briskly turned away from him to return back to her paperwork.

"Oi. Where's the cream?"

She froze, complexed. When did he have cream with his tea? "Sir?" She turned back to him and looked at him confused.

He gave her an annoyed glare. "I take two sugars and cream in my tea."

"Since when?" She wondered out loud. Realizing her mistake, she quickly tried to cover her slip up. "I just haven't heard other wise."

He was looking at her as if he was studying her, slight confusion on his face. "I see." He sat up straight and she turned as if she was going out the door again. "Bring sugar and cream next time. It will do for this time." He turned back to his work and waved a dismissal at her.

She took her seat again and stared at him out of the corner of her eye. Did he know who she was and just didn't find it necessary to say something or was it that he didn't want to remember?

_Does he blame himself for Isabel and Farlan's deaths? Is he angry with himself? Or is he angry with me? _She continued with her paperwork. _What did I do wrong?_

After Levi released her, she headed straight for the mess hall. Her stomach gurgled and growled for food. She had skipped lunch since the captain didn't even move for food until late.

"Oh, you're not dead after all." Jean's voice said behind her in line and she turned and gave him an annoyed look.

"Why would I be?" She turned back and crossed her arms. "Kirstein, you piss me off, you will be the one dead, not me."

"Hey! Hattie!" She looked over to see Armin waving his arm at her. She waved back and smiled. Beside him was Eren and Mikasa. Armin always let Hattie know where they were sitting, even if he had to get up and find her himself. Mikasa's head turned slightly and she nodded at Hattie in acknowledgement. Hattie sent her a smile.

"Hattie!" She turned around to see Sasha running towards her, tears in her eyes. Hattie glowered at the girl dangerously. Sasha grabbed Hattie's sleeve and pulled her hand into her's. "I'm so sorry! Can you ever forgive me! We just wanted to play a little prank! We didn't know he would get so angry!"

Connie appeared next to Sasha, keeping his distance, probably because of their last encounter. "Yeah, we really didn't mean for it to that far. We were bone heads."

"I'd say." Jean said next to Hattie. "You got her in huge trouble and embarrassed her. Unless I am wrong and those undies ended up in the captain's bed another way."

Hattie's face turned red and she turned toward Jean. "Shut it, Kirstein. Never in a million years." She turned towards Sasha and Connie. "I can't believe you guys would do that to me. I thought we were friends!" Hurt spread over Hattie's face.

"We are! We just wanted to play around. We are really, really sorry! You can have my deserts for a...a..." Sasha swallowed and sighed. "A week."

Sasha was surrendering food. She never did that. Hattie pushed her anger aside and sighed deeply. "Okay, but Connie has to take my chores for the four weeks I have paperwork."

"Wait a sec-" Sasha elbowed him and glared at him. She had to make sacrifices, like hell he would get out of something. "Fine, I'll do it."

"Apology accepted, now I am hungry. Let me get my food."

After getting her tray, she took her seat next to her friends. Eren started with his questions if the captain was letting her in on secrets and she almost felt bad when he was disappointed to find out that Levi had no secrets.

"Is he being kind to you?" Mikasa asked her, picking at her bread.

Hattie shrugged and pushed her carrots around her tray. "He's still pretty mad. He was just kind of himself."

"A total asshole?" Mikasa offered.

Hattie grimaced at the word, but nodded. "Hattie, is there something wrong? You seem really upset." Armin asked her. She looked at him and offered him a smile.

"Just bummed, that's all."

"You know, you can tell us. We're friends and all." Eren said. Hattie looked down at her food and contemplated on wether or not it was a good idea to tell any one her secret. Was it really a secret or just an unsaid fact?

Maybe it was time to let it out. Maybe she would feel better. "I knew him, from a long time ago...that's why I joined the military, so we could be a family again."

Eren's fork clanked against the table and Armin's eyes widened in surprise. "You mean, like you guys are related?"

"Are you his sister? That would explain why you are so good at the 3DMG!" Eren's excitement was attracting attention from the other tables.

"Keep it down!" Hattie waved her hands. "No, we aren't siblings, we...he kind of saved me from the streets and I grew up with him and a couple of others. He taught me how to use the 3DMG." She sighed and covered her face. "We used to be really close and then one day, they left and never came back. Levi joined the Survey Corps, so I did too. He hasn't even noticed me until now and I don't think he remembers me."

Armin hummed in thought. "Well, you don't really do anything to attract his attention."

She looked at him confused, letting her hands drop to her neck. "Whatta ya' mean?"

"Your room is up to protocol, your appearance is acceptable, and you follow orders. You really don't attract attention for any of our superiors." Armin explained casually.

"Maybe if you mess up your room or wear your uniform out of the guidelines, he would say something." Mikasa said.

Hattie looked at the girl with wide eyes. "That's genius. Why did I not think of that? When I was a kid, I used to wear my hair in this really messy pony tail on the side of my head and it drove him nuts. I mean, seriously, he threatened to shave my head once."

Eren held out his hands and smiled. "Well there you go! You just have to piss him off!"

"Oh, that will be sooo easy!" Hattie giggled in excitement. "You guys are awesome!"

"Just be careful and don't get written up. Just do it enough to catch his attention." Mikasa lectured her and Hattie rolled her eyes.

"Yes, mother."

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><p>The next couple of days, Hattie didn't pick up her living quarters. She let her laundry pile up in the corner and didn't make her bed in the morning. After a few more days, she let her hair down and shook it out. In a couple more days, she would begin to wear it like she used too.<p>

Levi began to give her more and more looks. Annoyed ones. She would just smile sweetly at him and give him his tea and continue with her paper work. He almost blew up when she called him 'his majesty' after he made demands. But still, he didn't say anything.

"Do you not drink tea?" He asked her during lunch. He had come back with two trays and sat them at the table in the corner of his office, telling her to eat.

She swallowed her food and shrugged. "I used too, but the caffeine hurts my belly, so I can only have a certain kind. I can't afford it."

"Hmph." He returned to his meal.

She sighed and stretched, feeling her shirt stretch across her chest tightly. She jerked when the top button snapped off and flew straight into the captain's face and into his tea-cup. His lip curled up in annoyance.

"Oh my gosh! Sir, I am so sorry!" She stood up and ran to his side. He was about to wave her off until his eyes glued themselves to her chest. At first, she thought he was staring at her breasts, but when she looked down, she saw the chain with the key on it was dangling in plain sight. She blushed and held the key to her chest, standing up straight. "I'm sorry, I'll get you a new cup and get this tailored right away."

He didn't say anything for a moment and then he stood and reached into his pocket, pulling out a few coins. "Forget it. That shirt is old and it doesn't fit. Go get a new one. Be back here tomorrow on time and with a clean shirt." He took her hand and placed the coins in them, letting go of her hand quickly.

She looked at her hand and felt her heart drop into her stomach, her throat tightening. She saluted him and nodded her head. "Thank you, sir." She turned and left the room quickly. As soon as she was in her room again, she sat on the bed, her tears coming down.

_He didn't say anything. He saw the key and he just told me to get a new shirt. _She opened her hand and looked down at the coins. She almost wanted to stash them away, but at the same time, she did need a new shirt. She sighed and sniffed.

She was going to get him back.

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><p><strong>Eh? Eh? I know, I am so awesome. Just kidding. So far, you guys like it? Let me know!<strong>

**-Jane**


	3. Chapter 3

**I am so glad that my readers are enjoying this fic. It was really just a whim. I hope I can continue to make you guys happy.**

**I am sorry if I don't update regularly. I have work, husband, child, kitchen, livingroom, bathroom, laundry, dishes, kitchen, dishes, bathroom...you catch my drift. So I basically write during my kiddo's nap times and right now, she is fighting them like Levi fights titans. So, your patience is appreciated. **

**I finally thought through what I want to happen in this story and I am so excited, so I will try to contain my excitement and not rush it. But I can't promise anything...**

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><p>Hattie bought a shirt and was able to stash some of the money for later. She knew Levi's birthday was coming up and his cavrat was starting to get old.<p>

After a week of doing paper work, Hattie was sad to realize that the captain was falling behind in _everything_. He was never a great sleeper, but he completely lost track of time one night and they stayed in his office until early morning. He was also forgetting to eat, putting off paperwork, and he was beginning to skip meals.

The Levi she knew was punctual with everything he did. His work was never late, he would make sure to at least eat two meals a day, and his cavrat would have been replaced by now.

Despite that, she continued with trying to gain his attention. She finally started wearing her hair on the side of her head, making sure to shake it with her fingers to make it seem messier.

She walked into his office that morning, tea-tray in hand, and humming lightly. The moment he looked up at her, his face twisted into an annoyance and surprise.

"Good morning, sir." She set the tea down and promptly went to work. She was starting to at least make a dent in the large amount of work.

"What the fuck happened to your hair?"

She turned and looked at him, making sure her most innocent face was on. "Nothing sir, just trying something I saw in town."

His fingers were twitching and his brows were furrowed over dark eyes. "Fix. It. Now."

_Gotcha_. She wanted to giggle but she just blinked and faked hurt. "But it isn't out of protocol, sir."

That set him off. "Fix it or I will cut the shit off." He looked like he was going to leap out of his chair.

She crossed her arms and frowned, glaring at him. "Excuse me, but you touch my hair and I will be the one shoving the boot up someone's ass. This is within guide lines and I think it is very cute." She grabbed a couple of strands and ran her fingers through them. "Are you saying it isn't cute?"

Levi's lip curled and he scoffed, shaking his head. "I am your superior, therefore, I am ordering you to fix your hair into a more appropriate style for a soldier, not a teenage brat."

He had got her. If she went against an order, Hange would have to suspend her and with the way things were going for her lately, that was the last thing she needed. She sighed, standing up and walking in front of his desk, pouting. She removed her goggles and threw them on his desk, then removed the tie from her hair, shaking her fair tresses loose. She quickly braided it behind her back and tied it off, crossing her arms and glaring at him. "Better, your majesty?"

"Say that one more time and I will lop off your head. Go back to your paperwork." He waved her away.

She went to grab her goggles and was surprised to find them not on the desk. She looked up to see Levi holding them up. "Hey, can I have those back?" She reached for them, but he pulled back to quick.

"I think I will keep these since you found it necessary to throw them in my direction." He dropped them into a drawer and looked at her. "Go back to work."

She stared at him, almost horrified. "Not until you give them back. Those are mine." She almost panicked. "I apologize for throwing them at you, calling you 'your majesty', and wearing my hair funny, can I just have them back?" She reached her hand out and felt her jaw tighten.

He stood up and leaned forward. "Not until you learn your lesson. Which, by the way, is under my discretion."

Her lip began to tremble and her fingers curled into her palm. "Please, the only family I have left gave those to me when I was a kid. They mean a lot to me."

His eyes glowered at her, but he looked upset by how she was begging for her goggles back. The fact she was about to cry was even worse. It was petty and pitiful. She retreated her hand and put it to her chest in a salute, hiding her eyes. "I'm sorry. I will finish my work and respect your authority." She let out a shaky sigh, regaining her composure and returned to her spot to finish her assigned paperwork.

She managed to hold back her tears and anger until she was dismissed. He seemed affected by the way she was acting, but said nothing as she left. She went straight to her room, not wanting any one to see her in the state she was in.

Embarrassed, angry, and unsure of herself, she wanted to be alone. She ignored the knocks at her door and the pleads of her friends to come to dinner.

When it became very quiet, she went to the baths to clean herself up. Relaxation was what she needed now. After her bath, she looked at her hair in the mirrors. It was long, thick, and silky and she was well-known for how beautiful it was. The only other person who had hair like her's was Historia, but Historia's had more of a honey tone to it. Hattie's was almost white.

_You want a professional look? Fine, I'll just take care of it_. _I don't care any more. I don't need your approval, I don't need your attention. I will go on with out you, like I should have. _She inhaled a big breath and grabbed her hair. _I don't need you to complete me any more._

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><p>"Holy shit, check out Wester." Connie stared at Hattie with wide and confused eyes. "What the hell?"<p>

Hattie kept her chin up and proudly strutted through the mess hall, her hair brushing her shoulders is a slightly forward angled bob. She tossed it into a deep side part and made it look sharp and jagged. She wanted it to make a statement, that she was not going to go on living like she was waiting for Levi to finally be by her side once more.

She walked by Hange and Levi and the other squad leaders, eyes full of spite, her hips swaying with attitude. Hange let out a low whistle and Mikasa turned towards her, nodding in approval. She sneered when Levi looked her way, anger transparent on his face.

It worked. She was not a child any more.

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><p><strong>Okay! I am getting some where! Let the games begin...and may the odds be ever in your favor, Levi.<strong>

**-Jane**


	4. Chapter 4

**Oh my gosh guys, life sucks now. My baby is teething and miserable and it is sooooo sad. It feeds by angst. But all my little girl wants is to cling to me and moan, so I haven't been able to write a lot, if at all. Poor Pooker...**

**Any way, thank you for the reviews, favorites, and follows! Makes me all giddy inside!**

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><p>"Sooo...the hair, what is going on." Jean said next to her at breakfast. She pursed her lips and looked over at him. Everyone was staring at her with awe or like she committed a crime (i.e. Jean, Eren, Levi).<p>

Hattie shrugged. "It was inconvenient and in the way." She ran her hands through her hair. "Does it look bad?"

Before he could say anything, Connie shot up. "You look so badass! Like some assassin heroine." Sasha nodded next to him, mouth full of food.

Mikasa tugged on a strand. "Did you cut it yourself?"

"I pulled it all back and hacked it, but the front ended up longer. I didn't want to seriously screw it up, so I left it like that." She noticed the time. "I have to go. If I don't report for duty in like, two minutes, my ass will be handed to me."

Armin grimaced. "I have a feeling that it will be anyway."

She raised a brow and left her spot, it quickly being filled by Jean so he could sit next to Mikasa. When was he just going to be blunt and tell her how he felt? Then again, relationships within the Survey Corps was frowned upon, though not outlawed. Relations with a superior on the other hand was strictly forbidden.

_Kind of sad. We are so close to victory and the titans no longer being an issue that you would think that some of them would pine for affections. _She shrugged and kept walking up the stairs towards the captain's office. _Erwin got married, but then again, he is no longer a member of the Survey Corps._

When she reached the door to Levi's office, she noticed a note on the door. She plucked it off with excitement, hoping it said she didn't have to report for paperwork today.

_'Court yard. Don't be late._'

She groaned loudly and started for the court-yard. This was not good. "Shit..." She sighed and hurried. When she stepped outside she growled at the large grey clouds almost hovering over the headquarters. She saw Levi standing in the middle of the court-yard, jacket off, and cavrat missing. His sleeves were also rolled up. She approached hesitantly.

"You must have some grudge against me to go as far as cutting off all of your hair just out of spite." He said calmly, but his frown and glare told her that Armin was right. She was going to get her ass handed to her. "So maybe you should get it off your chest and beat the shit out of me."

"You're kidding." She almost rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't be able to lay a finger on you." She said honestly. He was more than just 'excellent' at hand to hand, but insanely talented, like he wrote the book on kicking ass himself.

He uncrossed his arms and glowered at her. "I won't be fighting back."

She was surprised and disturbed. He wasn't going to fight back? He really just wanted her to wail on him? That was stupid and very much unlike him. She shook her head. "No. That isn't fair."

"I am not asking your what is fair or not, I told you to get it off your chest. That is an order."

Hattie looked up at the sky and sighed, taking off her jacket and tossing it towards the wall. "Fine, but I am not holding back."

"I didn't ask you too." He replied smoothly. "With every hit, I want to know why you are hitting me."

This just didn't feel right to Hattie. With all the other evidence she had seen lately, she was convinced he had gone insane or had given up on living. Or both. She approached him, senses aware that he may just be baiting her in so he could pop her in the mouth. When she stood in front of him, he didn't move, just staring at her with anger.

She pulled back her fist and inhaled. "This is for punishing me for something I didn't do." Her fist sprung forward and Levi was true to his word; he didn't fight back. Her fist connected with his jaw and she was surprised to find that it hurt her fist. What was he? Made out of metal?

She stepped back, waiting to be reprimanded, but he just looked at her, waiting for another blow. She pulled back her fist again. "This is for the paperwork!"

Hit.

"This is for being a jerk!"

Hit. She felt her pent-up rage come out and she decided it was time to let it go. He had to know and he was fooling her. It just pissed her off more.

"This is for my goggles!"

Hit. Tears began to stream down her face.

"This is for all the years of being ignored!"

Hit. He had barely moved and he didn't seem to be affected by her blows.

"This is for not being there when I needed you!"

Hit.

"This is for leaving me behind when I lost those I loved!"

Hit.

"This is for taking Isabel and Farlan away!" Her tears streamed down in what felt like rivers. He took away her family. It was all his fault.

His hand came up and grabbed her fist, his eyes looking at her with a horrified expression. She felt the rain starting to come down and the smell of rain against stone rose up around them.

Her body relaxed and her fist fell away from Levi's hand. She squeezed her eyes shut and let herself go. All those years of running after him were over. Now he knew. She sobbed with no shame in front of him.

"You blame me for what happened." It was a statement. His voice was slightly husky, as if he was the one crying.

"You just left me there, in that hell hole and I waited for you guys to come back so we could live in the Capital, but you brought back my sister's head and then just left. You left me. You left me there, you left me when I joined the Survey Corps, you left me when you chose not to recognize me. You. Left. Me." She sniffled and ran her palms across her eyes. "All I wanted was to be by your side and be a family again, but you just stood there and ignored me."

He didn't say anything and his facial expression didn't change from his usual frown. She wanted to hit him again, but she just felt herself get angrier. She turned away from him and walked toward her jacket, picking it up with force. She turned and looked at him. "And now I am leaving you. I am not going to run after you any more." She left the court-yard, slamming the door behind her, like she was leaving everything she loved in her past.

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><p>Hattie went back to doing paperwork, but Levi didn't show up to supervise any more. She barely saw him at meals and they passed each other once in the halls, but she kept her eyes forward and ignored him.<p>

Hange began to become more involved and noticed a change between the two almost instantly. Hattie noticed that Hange and Levi were missing from drill more than usual and Moblit was left with leading the squad. This annoyed and relieved Hattie at the same time.

Then he disappeared for an entire week. Hange acted like nothing was going on, but Hattie felt panic. She went with the movements: paperwork, bathing, meals, drills, but the worry that hovered over her made her ill. Her last words to Levi were terrible ones.

Chatter began shortly after Hattie noticed Levi was missing. Mikasa and Eren didn't seem like they were willing to talk. Armin was staring off more than usual.

"I heard something today guys..." Eren was staring down at the table, a worrisome look on his face. "You won't believe it."

Jean scrunched up his face and Sasha and Connie stopped their chatter. Hattie looked at Mikasa, who looked like she already knew what Eren had to say.

"They found a way to stop the titans from creating themselves...we just have to bait the remaining amount and kill them and...it's all over." Eren almost whispered, as if he didn't believe it himself.

Mikasa and Armin looked at each other and Jean shook his head. "You're right Jaeger, that is idiotic."

"No, it's not." Armin spoke up, but his voice shook. Hattie felt her eyes begin to sting and she found Mikasa's hand under the table. The dark-haired girl gripped back. "The Commander and Lance Corporal have sent out a special squad to eliminate the source. That is why the captain is missing." Armin looked up and him and Hattie made eye contact. "Next they are going to pull only the best out of our squad and send them to eliminate the remaining titans. The thing about this team is...that they will live outside the gates and travel the world."

Those around them almost burst Hattie's eardrums with their whispers and astonishment. Jean looked at Armin with disbelief. "You mean to say is, that we won and no one has told us?"

"They wanted to announce it when the special squad returned, but no one has heard from them yet." Armin said. Hattie shot up out of her seat and everyone turned and looked at her. Her lips quivered.

"I am going to bed." She turned away and pushed threw the crowd, her heart pounding, and her breath quickening. She almost began to run but she felt some one pull her back.

Mikasa had a hold of her arm and was staring at her in a knowing way. Hattie tried to hold back her tears as she looked at her friend. "We f-fought the other day..." Hattie sniffled. "I told him...he did-didn't say anything so I got angry a-and...and..." Hattie covered her mouth. "Oh God, Mikasa, what if he's dead and the last thing I chose to say to him was that I wasn't going to be his family any more?" Hattie began to sob and Mikasa let go of her arm, pulling her into a hug.

"He's alive. He is strong. He won't die." Mikasa said sternly and Hattie wanted to push her away. How could she be sure of that?

Hattie stepped back and put a hand on her heart. It hurt. It hurt so bad...like that time when Levi pulled back the tarp and Isabel's head appeared. Hattie cried out and leaned against the wall. "I failed him! This entire time I thought he abandoned me, but it was me, Mikasa, it was me!" Hattie put her forehead on the cold stone as she sobbed, her spirit and soul crushed. "All my life, I have been left by those who were supposed to love me the most and he-he just left that day and never said a word. I don't know why, so how can I judge him? I walked away from him and told him I wasn't going to follow him any more. How could I do that?"

"Hattie." Mikasa said behind her.

Hattie turned her head towards Mikasa and was shocked when a sharp pain met her cheek. She looked at Mikasa and frowned. "The hell, Mikasa! You don't hit people!"

"Stop it. He would be mad at you for resorting yourself to a pile of pity." Mikasa took her shoulders. "Think of this: we are almost done with the titans. He will come back and you can make things right. You don't know he is dead and if he is, you have to keep moving, because he would want that. No matter how much it hurts." Mikasa looked straight into her eyes, her grip not loosening on her.

_Like how much it hurt to lose Isabel and Farlan and all my other friends over the years. _Hattie took a deep breath and rubbed her cheek. "You're right. I'm sorry." She sent Mikasa a glare. "You didn't need to hit so hard..." She gruffed.

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><p><strong>Ah, okay. One down, two others to go. I have to go work in my other stories so this one might be neglected for a week. Have a great Thanksgiving! Be nice to people on Black Friday.<strong>

**-Jane**


	5. Chapter 5

**I don't know why I make my life hard for myself. Working on three stories and I keep getting them mixed up and I have to take breaks. Sorry for delaying on you guys.**

**You might feel that this is rushed a bit (I am the writer and feel that way), but I have a lot I want to put in here and I am not going to pull a Naruto and never, ever, ever end. So I just kinda cram it together as best I can and hope it turns out well. By the looks of it, lots of people read it and I have people following and favoriting this story, which makes me very happy. Those who review, thank you for taking time to write your thoughts and feelings. I am very pleased that some of my readers (of this story and my others) have pointed out mistakes and what they feel might improve my writing. It really means a lot.**

**Okay, enough sentiment.**

**I choose Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift for this chapter and probably for the next five. Basically I can say that this story is based on this song and I Know You Care by Ellie Goulding. **

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><p>They had been put together in a conference with Commander Hange, Squad Leader Moblit, and Armin. There were ten of them all together who would be carrying out the 'Elimination Team', but there was also an support team that consisted of many more.<p>

Armin had explained that the plan go as follows: There would be three waves of attacks, to make sure that the titans would be eliminated more efficiently with little to no casualties. There would be the 'Scout Team', whose job was to spot the enemy and take note of their location and to analyze if the others where in any immediate danger. Then the other team, the 'Analyzing Team' would decide the best plan of action to take to reduce the casuality rate. Then they would send the 'Elimination Team', which Hattie was second in charge of, after Mikasa. The others from her class that made it to the Elimination Team was Jean, Connie, Sasha, and Eren, but Eren was only to be deployed if they truly felt it needed. The other four where veterans, who were annoyed that the younger members of the Survey Corps trumped them in status.

"So, if this works, then the titans, by my own calculations mind you, will be completely wiped out in two to three years. But think of this: We are taking back what is ours and if you die, it won't be as cattle behind a wall." Hange finished after Armin spoke.

Hattie stood and saluted. "If I may ask commander, what about those who are already working outside of the walls?"

Hange nodded at Armin who's brows furrowed together in thought, but he nodded back at Hange and answered. "We haven't heard from them yet and don't expect to for another week, which is when we hope to deploy this plan. We know for a fact though, that the source of the titans was destroyed effectively and the Colossal and Armoured titans are no longer a risk to us."

Hattie felt her heart drop. Reiner...and Bertholdt were dead? She had been good friends with them, until- _They made their beds. They were traitors, don't feel pity for them_. "And that is another question I have: what was the 'source' of the titans?"

Hange and Armin's faces fell while Moblit avoided looking at her. Hange smiled sadly. "I'm afraid that we aren't allowed to release that information at this moment, but don't worry, it's almost over."

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><p>Armin ran after Hattie as she walked back towards her quarters, calling her name. She turned towards him and offered a smile, even though she had some doubts and fears she was trying to contain and handle.<p>

"Sorry! Sorry, I forgot!" Armin held out a letter to her. "Captain Levi told me that if he didn't come back in time, to give this too you." Hattie looked at Armin with wide and worried eyes, but the boy waved his hands in front of him. "Nothing is wrong! It just took longer than we expected. They'll be back soon, promise!" He explained in a rush.

She didn't know if she believed him or not, but she didn't find the point in making herself so sick with worry. She looked down at the paper in her hand and back at Armin. "Hey, I was wondering...when th-this war is over...what are you going to do?"

Armin scratched the back of his head and looked at the ceiling. "You know, Eren said that me, him, and Mikasa should travel to the ocean together, but we might see if before this is all over."

"That sounds like a good plan." Hattie smiled at him.

He nodded and beamed a smile. "What about you?"

Her smiled faded and she looked at the letter in her hands. "I want to travel, but that was a plan my sister and I had before she...it doesn't matter, I will figure it out then. I don't have to have a solid plan, right?" She looked back up at the blonde boy and smiled softly.

"I didn't know you had a sister." Armin looked intrigued. Hattie almost laughed. He was like a not-so-insane Hange.

"Yeah, I grew up in the underground with Levi, my sister, and my brother. They died right after they joined the Survey Corps. Freak rain storm I guess." She shrugged. She felt it was best to leave all the other details out. _How great would that be if everyone knew how much of a thug Levi was and how I used to steal rich men's money. Armin would shit a brick._ "Any way, I am going to go read my letter, if you don't mind. I think it might bring me a peace of mind."

Armin nodded and turned while waving. "See you at dinner and don't forget you owe Eren desert since you lost the bet if he would be on the Elimination Team or not."

She groaned and turned toward her room, looking at the paper in her hands. _He wrote me a letter. Must of thought something bad was going to happen..._She opened her door and closed it, still staring at the letter. _I don't know if I can handle this. Maybe after dinner? _Hattie knew she couldn't sit through a meal and not have the itch to run back to her room to read.

"Damn it." She sighed and sat down, taking a deep breath before opening the letter. She was amused to see that it was a very long letter, maybe even a pamphlet.

_Kid,_

_Isabel and Farlan are dead. It's my fault. I am coming home today and I can't face you. I am not sure how, so I am writing you this. _

_I am sorry. _

_Please do me a favor and forget the life I taught you and go on and make a better version of yourself. I know you can. You're pretty smart for being an underground rat. You don't need me and you should forget me. I don't deserve anything from you._

_Levi_

Hattie moved the paper aside to find another paper. "He was going to give this to me...but I met him at the gate...gods..."

_Hattie,_

_Saw that you joined the Trainee Corps. You dumbass, that is not what I meant by improving yourself. But your instructor said you excelled at everything and you and that Mikasa girl are the next generation of soldiers. Which baffles me about the you-not-getting-into-the-top-ten-thing._

_What the fuck were you doing?_

_That should have been easy for you. Rub salt in a wound. Dumbass._

_Also, happy birthday. If I remember, you're sixteen. No kissing boys. Just kill titans._

_Levi_

She felt her eyebrow twitch and her jaw tightened. _He still managed to be annoying as hell even when he didn't talk to me._ She moved to the next letter.

_Hattie,_

_Congratulations on making it to the Survey Corps. You have lots of potential. Don't fuck it up. If I stop being a coward and give you this letter, disregard the second one. Take that back. You are still a dumbass. But I am proud of you. You flew right through our drills and you and Mikasa are talented. I hope to pass my title to one of you one day._

_If I give this to you, I want you to know that I am not ignoring you. I just can't look you in the eye like a man, because I am not one. I will always remember the times you, Farlan, Isabel, and I shared. _

_Levi_

_P.S. Comb your hair._

Hattie bit her lip and moved to the last two letters with shaking hands. He was proud of her. He was _proud _of her and he knew he was hurting her. He thought he was protecting her, from him and how disappointing he became.

_Hattie,_

_You are twenty-one and I still treat you like a child and not an intelligent one at that._

_I am leaving soon and after our encounter the other day, I feel like I caused more damage than I intended. I apologize. It was my fault you lost Isabel and Farlan and I made it worse by not even leaving you an explanation._

_I wasn't ready to see you like that. For the first time in a long time, you made me feel like a human. I say that because I am told I am humanity's strongest and that is all I am to any one. But you know who I am, who I was and you still wanted to follow me. It made me feel raw. I hated you for a little while after that, but I soon realized that I should thank you for treating me like a person. I forgot how it felt._

_Saying that, I forgot how passionate you are when you have a goal in mind. You followed me around all these years and I turned my back on you. You still kept your chin up enough to hack off your hair just to piss me off. I could hack you up for that. You know how hard I worked to make that pony tail at least look brushed when you were a kid? All that hard work gone to waste. It was beautiful to look at._

_Levi_

A hot blush spread across her face and she held the paper to her chest as she looked at the last letter in her lap. It was hard for her to continue. She wished he had told her this instead of writing to her. But then she remembered he wasn't particularly great with expressing himself.

_Hattie,_

_Titans are humans that where infected by a crazed doctor as for revenge for his wife and child on a small population, but it spread. The reason some can control it is still beyond us, but we have stopped the source of the disease and now we have to stop the spread. This is classified information and do not share it with any one. This is a secret I cannot die with. I must leave tomorrow._

_It haunts me that even after I left that life behind, I am still killing innocent people. I am damned for hell. Don't let me take you with me. Do not die._

_I was thinking about what it would be like if the war was over and I realized that I would no longer be a soldier, but just a man again. A free one, if you can believe that._

_I have decided to take all my savings and take off away from civilization. Humans are disgusting and I would rather go off to live somewhere near that 'ocean' that Arlert is alway on about with Eren and Mikasa. Maybe I can get hitched and have brats. If the titans are gone, there is no reason to hold back. But I am old already so maybe it is not possible for me any more. Maybe my time has come and gone._

_In my room in the rights to my things if I die. You get it all. If I croak, you take off and don't stop. You do what you want. Maybe you want the house by that 'ocean' and to pop out some little dumbass brats with some man you love or at least can tolerate._

_But in the events that we both survive, let's go to the 'ocean' together and get away from humanity. We'll be a family again, like we were before._

_Levi_

Hattie jumped when she realized that her grip was so tight on the paper, that it tore. She set down the letters and stared at the wall. "Let's go to the ocean together and be a family again?" Her eyes watered. "Damn it Levi, you have to come back now. You have to or this time I won't forgive you." She reached for the key under her shirt and gripped it tightly against her heart. "Don't leave me again..."

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><p><strong>Yay! Okay, so I was just going to have it be like a whole book of stupid Levi rambling letters and I would only write the important ones, but I think that it is better this way, but I feel that Levi wouldn't really do something like that unless he was really, really in love with some one so much that he forgot how to Levi.<strong>

**-Jane**


	6. Chapter 6

**I am so glad you like the letters. I hope I didn't make it sound soooo romantic, but more on the side that he wishes that he too, wants his 'family' back.**

**Guys, in two months...my baby girl is gonna be 1. Freaking 1-year-old. And she is progressing towards walking and I am waiting for her to just pick up one day and run in circles. Just crazy...and makes me a sad momma...she needs to stay cute and tiny for ever and never learn to sass. One can wish.**

**I think for this chapter, I am going to say that the AOT OST was a big inspiration since I listened to it the night before.**

**Also...I have been misspelling it...it is cravat, not cavrat. I will go back in fix those after I am done with this chapter.**

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><p>The gates were going to open.<p>

When the word got out that the gates were going to open because Levi's squad was coming back, Hattie bolted from drill, despite the threats that Hangi yelled at her. She knew they were empty ones.

_Levi...please be alive, please be alive. _She began to breathe heavily as she made it closer, her speed picking up and her heart beating wildly in her chest. She heard footsteps behind her and she looked back to see Mikasa running after her.

"Hattie! Stop!" Mikasa grabbed her arm and slid to a stop, holding back her friend in a tight grip.

"Mikasa!" Hattie looked at her furiously. "What are you doing?"

Mikasa turned her head towards the gate as the bells starting tolling, tightening her grip as Hattie tried to run again. "Wait here. They'll be coming right by here."

The blonde girl jerked her arm out of Mikasa's grip and stepped back. "He needs me, Mikasa. Imagine if this was Eren." Hattie took off towards the gate, swearing she could hear Mikasa saying, "That's what I'm afraid of."

She couldn't mean he was dead? Hattie choked back her tears and ran through the thickening crowd, reaching the front as the gate opened.

The first soldier that appeared was grim-faced and dirty, but she recognized him right away. She bolted from her spot in the crowd and walked with the horse, taking its reigns and looking up at the grim face. "Levi..."

He looked at her for a split second and then looked forward again. Relief spread through Hattie. He was alive.

His silence was eerie, but Hattie didn't leave his side.

When they made it back to headquarters, Hattie helped him to his room and drew him a bath and put out clean clothes.

"Just place your dirty ones on the floor and I will take them to the laundry." She told him as she opened the door to the bathroom for him.

He walked past her silently and closed the door behind him. As soon as she heard the clinking of buckles, she moved towards the bed. The room smelt like him. Tea, mint, and spices. She almost laughed as she felt tears of relief sting her eyes. He was alive and she had never been so happy. Now she could apologize and maybe they could talk it out. Right now, she knew, he needed to relax and rest before he started his butt load of paperwork.

"Levi? Are you in the tub? I am going to get your clothes and then go get you some food." She knocked on the door. She didn't hear anything but the dripping water out of the faucet as she eased open the door. Levi was in the tub, his arms on the side and his head resting against the back, eyes closed. She quickly picked up the clothes and made sure to not look at him. "There is clean clothes on the bed. Do you want soup and bread or the meal?" She kept her back to him and walked towards the doorway.

"Hattie."

"Hm?" She kept her back to him, but turned her ear towards him. "Yeah?"

"Stay." His voice was raspy. Was he getting sick?

Heat rushed to her face and she set the clothes by the door, closing it so the draft would stay out of the bathroom. Keeping her eyes on the floor, she sat by the tub, her back to him. She hugged her knees and rested the back of her head on the ceramic behind it.

"A hundred and fifteen left with me. I brought back less than twenty." He said behind her and she knew why he was so silent now.

"Don't blame yourself. You got us one step closer to that home by the ocean." She smiled, thinking about her new home, like when Isabel talked about living in the Capital and her and Hattie wouldn't have to share clothes.

"You read the letters." He stated.

She nodded her head. "Yes. I am glad you left them for that moment. Made me think."

"Hm." He grunted and his silence returned. A slight pain in her chest twisted at it, but he was grieving the loss of his men. Last time he was like this was when his other squad was killed by the Female Titan.

"I thought about it and...I forgive you, for not being there. I am still wondering why you would think I was better off with out you, but I forgive you. Also...I don't blame you for Isabel and Farlan, no matter what you say." She rested her chin on her knees. He didn't say anything, so she continued on. "I just...missed you a lot. I had a sister, a brother, and then you. _You _are my family and I will fight to stay by your side until I die."

After a few moments of silence, he spoke. "I am putting in a request that you'll be removed from the mission."

Her head snapped up and she turned to look at his face. "What?! Levi!"

"You are not going to die like that. I won't have it." He stared at the ceiling above him, his eyes dull and the circles around them were darker.

Hattie growled. "In case you forgot, I am an adult and I am a soldier of humanity. I gave my heart to the cause. I am going to fight for my right to live in this world."

"You'd die just to see the world." He said, as if talking to himself. "Shitty brat..."

"Old ass." She mumbled and turned back around. "Please don't do that to me. I know you don't want me to die like that, but I will be okay. I promise. Just know that if I do die, I won't go with out a fight. Promise me the same?"

"Hm."

After that, Levi finished his bath and Hattie left with the clothes to get him food. After leaving the laundry room, she met face to face with Mikasa. Hattie sighed and crossed her arms. "Hey."

Mikasa looked down and bit the inside of his cheek. "I was afraid he wasn't going to come back through the gate and I didn't want to see you hurt like that."

Hattie smiled softly at her friend. "I know."

Mikasa looked up at Hattie and nodded. "I heard about how many he came back with. Is he alright?"

Hattie looked at the floor and shrugged. "As good as he can be. He is in the bath right now. I am going to get him some soup and bread. I don't think he is very hungry, but if I know him, he hasn't eaten for a couple of days."

"He is falling behind on things."

Hattie looked up at Mikasa and her eyes widened. "You noticed too?"

"I know what has gone on. I think he may need you more than ever. This is a very difficult time, bittersweet perhaps."

Hattie nodded and then hugged her friend. "Thanks for trying to watch out for me, but I will be okay next time." She stepped back and then waved goodbye. "I am going to go to the hall. I won't be down for dinner, okay?"

Mikasa waved back her friend and Hattie continued on. The mess hall was basically empty at this time, except for the few who had just come back. Luckily, the ones who were one kitchen duty heard that the captain came back and already had a pot of tea brewing. Hattie grabbed a couple bowls of soup and some bread and two cups of tea. Even though Levi was upset and the amount of people who came back had dark expressions on their faces, Hattie felt as if her blood was singing. He was okay, for now.

"Hattie." Hattie steadied herself and turned toward the commander with a nervous smile. The woman didn't return it and instead put a hand on the girl's shoulder. "Listen. Levi...he isn't doing well. He hasn't been this bad since Petra died. I need you to take care of him for the next couple of days before you ship out."

Hattie smiled and nodded. "Yes, commander." Hange turned a left after that, leaving Hattie to stew with sad thoughts.

When she made it back to his room, he was sitting on the bed, towel drapped around his waist and staring at the wall in front of him. Hattie sighed and placed the tray next to the bed. "You're supposed to put on clothes." She mumbled and turned toward the neatly folded clothes next to him and held out his undergarments to him.

He looked at her hand and then back up at her. She sighed and placed them on his lap, turning around. "Please. I'm starving..."

She heard him stand and clothing shuffling around. Once she heard the mattress move, she turned around and grunted in annoyance. He only put on an undershirt and his underwear. Figures.

She picked up his tea and held it out to him. He shook his head and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he rubbed his face. Biting her lip, she sat next to him, taking one of his hands. He looked at her curiously.

"I know you hurt, but you can't let this destroy you." Taking a deep breath, she turned his palm up towards her and studied his hand. "I need you to make it to the end. If you keep going at the rate you are, you are going to get careless and then everything I worked for is gonna go to shit."

He said nothing next to her, just watching as her fingers gingerly ran over his hand in a calming motion. When she grabbed the tea again, he took it and sat there in silence, sipping his tea while she sat next to him, doing the same. She liked tea. A thought came to her mind. "Hey, remember that tea cup you stole for me when I came and lived with you?"

He grunted and she smiled.

"I still have it. The handle broke when I was in the Training Corps. But I kept the handle and wrapped it up and placed it in a box under the bed. In our new home, I am going to fix it and plan a flower in it."

He stared at her as she kept her eyes on her tea. "Why?"

She smiled up at him. "To symbolize our new freedom. New life."

His eyes wandered over her face and she felt a blush creep across her cheeks and chest. "Levi?"

He set his tea down and set his elbows on his knees again. She watched him wage some type of internal war inside of him. She was about to say his name again when he finally spoke up. "I lost Petra because I wasn't there. When we leave, you are not to leave my eyesight for even a second."

Hattie was speechless and her mouth opened slightly in surprise.

"I am an old man." He stated in a matter-of-fact way. "I have no other relations and I don't feel like making any more." His eyes squinted in thought. "This is going to come off wrong, but I don't want you to have any other relations either. When this is over, you will be it."

The words swirled in Hattie's mind. Was he...was he telling her that after this war ended that he wanted too..."I don't understand."

He frowned and grunted. "I mean, you will be the only woman in my life."

A tingling feeling spread in her belly and her eyes widened more. He was...he was doing exactly what she thought. "Are you...asking me...too..."

"Yes." He cut her off. "I'm not good at these things. But, that being said, we have to wait until then. So stay alive."

It still wasn't registering in her head what he was saying. She knew, but it was like she didn't believe it. It was sudden and completely unexpected. "You want _me _to marry you?"

He rolled his eyes and looked at her like she was stupid. "Yes, for the last time."

She almost fainted and the butterflies in her belly spread again. "And you want me to wait until the war is over." She scoffed, trying to cover her nervousness. "To hell with death. I'm gonna live." Dirty thoughts filled her mind and she felt a smug smirk spread over her face. She just got engaged...to Levi. It just didn't seem real or maybe she was wrong and she was sleeping. She was going to get a kick out of this when she woke up.

"You sound like an idiot." He raised an eyebrow and her smile widened and she looked at him.

"I can't wait to get laid."

* * *

><p>He didn't let her go back to her room after that. They agreed to keep their agreement to themselves until the time came and the both promised to stay alive, no matter the cost. After that, Hattie starting asking stupid questions, still trying to process their engagement.<p>

"So, if we have a son, what do you want to name him?" Hattie laid on the bed, sprawled next to Levi.

"Tch, what kind of question is that, brat?" He turned his head and looked at her.

She rolled on her side and put her arm on his chest. "I can't let you name my baby something stupid." She sent him a glare. She didn't know his naming tastes.

He shook his head, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I regret everything."

"Hmph. Fine. Find someone else who will put up with your grumpy ass." She pursed her lips.

Apparently, that was a weakness of his, because his eyes went straight to her mouth. He wasn't going to be able to wait until the war was over if she kept this up, she knew. "Fine. I like the name Silas."

She scrunched her nose. "Hmmmm, nope." She shook her head. "Yeah, no. You can't name the kids if we have any."

"You're an idiot." He mumbled.

She perked up and leaned over him. "What about Henri?"

He looked at her nodded. "Fine."

She smiled in satisfaction and rested her chin on her hand, looking at him. He was right, he was older, but he had always been beautiful to her. She liked how strong his jaw was, the way his brows furrowed over his dark eyes and the way his lips stayed in a hard-line, as if trying to keep a secret behind them. Even his hair was lovely. No grey, surprisingly. He maybe of shorter stature, but his shoulders and back was broad.

After coming out of her thoughts, she noticed he was staring back at her. She sighed and rolled off of him and stared at the ceiling.

"What are we gonna name a girl?"

"Ugh."

* * *

><p><strong>I know that sounded strange, but trust me! I do have a plan, okay! I swear! Anything I do, I do have purpose behind them.<strong>

**Tell me how you feel about this chapter!**

**-Jane**


	7. Chapter 7

**I have made other apologies and all I can say is that I have medical issues and trying to juggle that and motherhood is difficult, so I am not giving my writing as much attention as I wish. **

**I also noticed that I made many mistakes last chapter and I would also like to apologize for that as well. I will go back and fix them. Oh, and there may be some in here, but I am not sure. Sorry guys, I am trying hard.**

* * *

><p>The day had come for them to leave and the anxiety of opening the gate weighed heavily on everyone's shoulders. Jean and Eren were unusually quiet. Even Connie and Sasha kept to themselves and occasionally glanced at each other.<p>

Hattie did as she agreed with Levi and did not leave his side. When questioned by Armin, she said that the Corporal wanted her close because he believed she was up to no good. Their arrangment was to be under lock and key until the time was right. Hattie feared that the day wouldn't come for them.

Though he could not go, the 13th commander of the Survey Corps stood near the gate, watching his former battalion preparing to leave.

_Two whole years on the outside. _Hattie thought absently as she mounted her horse, her composure falling by the minute. _Will we live to see it through?_

Hange trotted forward in between Hattie and Levi, not looking at all surprised that Hattie would be in their formation. As the others took their places and the crowd that had gather grew quiet, the gate began to open.

"Hey." Hange said in a low tone. "I saved a bottle of gin for when we come back. Get shit faced with me, yeah?" She turned forward and then kicked her horse into motion. "Onward!"

Hattie took off with her commander and Levi was not far behind them.

It never failed that every time they left the gates, Hattie's breath was taken away by the beauty that surrounded them. The sky went on forever and the mountains ahead were tall and jagged. She looked at Levi, who was staring forward. _Those mountains will be there in two years, keep your eyes forward_. She chastised herself.

The first few hours where very uneventful. Not a single flare was shot. When they came to their rendevouz spot, they stopped and let the horses rest. Sasha rushed over to Hattie.

"There were no titans on the way here." She said quietly and Connie appeared next to them, along with Armin. "It's like they don't exist any more."

"They are still out there." Armin said bluntly. "Just not as many as there were before."

Hattie shook her head. "It doesn't seem real. How many times did we dream of this and now that is happening, look how uneasy it makes us."

"The unknown is what is scary." Connie said and crossed his arms. "What will happen to us afterwards is what worries me."

"Walker! Arlert! You are wanted by the commander!" A soldier called and Hattie and Armin nodded at Sasha and Connie before making their way towards their commander and corporal.

In a small circle with Moblit and Mikasa was the commander and corporal, who looked over a tattered map. Hange had a pencil behind her ear and was bantering with Levi. Mikasa nodded at her two friends and Hange smiled wide.

"How was your first ride with out getting chomped at?" She smiled. Moblit shook his head at her.

Hattie smiled softly and shrugged. "Fine. Nice change for once."

"We were discussing which way to go from here. Back at HQ we decided that being in the snow and mountains would not be wise, shorty here seems to think that it is better than the swamps." Hange nodded at Levi, who looked a little more than irked at the woman's prodding.

Armin tilted his head in thought. "Both have their pros and cons. The mountains in the winter time would be suicide, but so would the swamps with hypothermia. The humidy would be rather risky with the cold."

Hange pondered on it before looking at Hattie. "And you?"

Hattie wasn't much for strategy, but she always tried her best. "Uh, well, Armin is right with the humidity, but the mountains also has a terrain that makes it easier for us to use our 3DMG. The swamps lands, from what I have heard, is flat and much more risky."

Moblit stepped around his commander and looked at the map. "I think by the time we finish in the mountains, that winter will be over and we can make our way down to the swamp lands. There are very tall trees there, but also diseases and inscets that can cause infections."

"Either way, we are fucked." Levi looked at Hange. "So make a good call."

Mikasa peered at the map. "I think Moblit's suggestion of going to the mountains and then to the swamps for summer is the wisest."

"I agree." Armin nodded.

Hange smiled proudly at the small group. "I am such a lucky commander to have such a great team of thinkers around me. Then it is settled, we hit the mountains first then go to the swamps, but since the swamps are so close to the moutains, if the winter becomes to much, we will seek refuge in the trees in the swampland. Get some water and get ready to leave here shortly."

The group dispearsed and Levi looked at Hattie. "We have to go threw either to move onward. There are some that won't make it out."

Hattie discreatly reached for Levi's hand and brushed her knuckles against his. "There is no wrong or right way. Those deaths won't be because you failed. We all know what we face."

His frowned deepened. "But are you willing to live with it?"

Hattie looked down and rocked back and forth on her heels. "Yes, because I know greater good will come of it."

"Hm."

She smiled and looked slyly at him. "So...does this mean you will keep me warm at night?"

"Get on your fucking horse, brat."

* * *

><p>The two days after that was spent on making their ways into the mountains and moving through the old hunting trails. After going so long with out seeing a titan, some of them began to become lax and joke around, much to some's annoyance. Jean seemed to think they needed to have a scare to put them back in place, where Eren thought a good beating would suffice. Even Mikasa's nerves were starting to fray.<p>

Hattie's hips hurt from riding so long and she could see that Levi was getting stiff by the way he lifted himself from the saddle.

"As soon as we make it to the cliff, we can rest. It's an old castle and the cliff will be able to provide us safety if we are attacked. Titans can't fly last time I checked." Hange yelled behind her to the soldiers near her and then gripped her reigns with excitement. "Oh, boy but if they did...the things I could learn."

Hattie rolled her eyes and kinked her neck to the side, trying to stretch the sore muscles. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a tree shake up the mountain. She turned her head as birds flew out of the trees as they began to shake. Hattie gasped and felt her heart race. No matter how many times she saw one, titans were her worst fear.

She reached to her side and pulled out the flare gun, readying the green flare. "Commander!" She called. Hange looked back at her with a smile, which faded when she noticed Hattie had a flare. "Up the mountain! From the left!"

Hange nodded and pointed the direction to shoot the flare. Hattie raised her arm and shot the flare, looking behind her to see if the other's saw her signal. Some followed the flare signal, but horror took over Hattie when she saw a small group still heading in the other direction.

"Commander, they didn't see it!" She called out and sped up to come next to Hange's side.

Hange's eyes widened. "Damn. Mikasa! Ride with Hattie to retrieve the others! Do not engage the titan if necessary."

"Roger!" The girl said.

"I'll go with Mikasa, Hattie can stay here." Levi said as he sent a slight glare at Hange. Hattie felt a blush creep over her face, a warm feeling gushing in her belly. He was being protective. But Hattie felt annoyance at not being able to do her job. She groaned.

"Corporal, I am perfectly capable of retrieving a few comrades and making it back safely." She gently heeled her horse's side and steered away from the larger group, Mikasa following her closely.

"Sasha and Connie are in that group!" Hattie yelled.

"Idiots, they knew the risks!" Mikasa pulled her scarf up over her mouth in frustration. Sasha and Connie weren't the brightest soldiers she had ever met, but they were valuable soldiers as well as friends, despite their recent prank on Hattie and Levi. They had to be very smart to sneak into not one, but _two _highly secured doors to steal a single pair of underwear and to place it with out having suspecions rise. Sasha managed to eat an entire tin of cookies with out leaving any clues. She could chew quietly and not be detected.

As they got closer, Hattie pulled out a black flare and shot it at the small group to gain their attention. Sasha and Connie both turned their heads, but just stared in confusion until they saw the distance between the main group and them. They called out to the few others with them and they began to ride towards Hattie and Mikasa. Hattie stopped her horse and Mikasa stopped ahead of her.

Hattie's eyes flew to the crashing in the trees behind the group riding towards them. The trees were thick and tall. Ordinary titans didn't usually move objects to get through spaces. Hattie looked at Mikasa. "Mikasa...something isn't right."

As soon as her sentance ended, trees broke apart and revealed a large, ghastly titan with long arms coming at them. It moved on its fists, its long arms propelling it forward at an incredibly fast speed.

"Damn!" Mikasa held on to her reigns as her horse panicked and began to prance around.

Hattie felt terror take her over when she saw how fast it was advancing to the smaller group. "They're not gonna make it..." She whispered. Her fists tightened and she gritted her teeth as she kicked her horse into motion. She wasn't going to let them die.

"Hattie! Wait!" Mikasa yanked her horse's head towards the direction Hattie took off, but her horse refused to cooperate and began to back away. Hooves against dirt made her look behind her, barely catching a glimpse of black and green blurring by. Too fast to see who it was, but she knew.

Sasha and Connie pulled out their blades and prepared for attack. Hattie shot her anchor into the shoulder of the titan and propelled forward, Sasha following her lead, Connie making the rear. Hattie swung upwards above the titan's neck, falling downwards with her blade pulled back to deliver a vicious and fatal blow. She was almost there when the titan changed it's course towards the bigger group, making Hattie miss and taking an arm off. The titan just stood and ran, letting its arm heal itself in the mean time. She jerked forward and her hip slammed against its spine, pain ripping through her side. She felt her gear catch and she continued to smack against its back. "Son of a bitch!" She swung her legs around to plant them firmly to keep her still, but it was moving to much for her to get into position.

"I'm coming Hattie! Hang on!" Connie came around the bad side of the titan, catching its attention and halting it to a stop. Its head swung around to look at them and Hattie plunged her blades into the spin, knowing that it wouldn't do much good except paralyze it for a split second.

"Connie! The neck!" Hattie yelled out the her friend. She jumped when hands appeared infront of her.

"I'll help you! Leave it to Connie!" Sasha said behind her, trying to remove Hattie from her harness. "It's jammed! I'll have to cut you out, don't move!" She moved her blade under the front of her harness and held her breath as she sliced outwards, cutting the strap quickly, letting Hattie dangle there, but able to move out of the now defective harness. "Okay! Climb on!" She grabbed Hattie's arm and helped her to hoist out of the harness and safely on to Sasha's back. Hanging on to the girl as they took off, she looked back to see Connie trying to catch the titan's attention from the girls.

"Wait! What about Connie?" Hattie asked Sasha.

"There are others on their way to help him, he just has to hold it off for a bit. He knows what he is doing." Sasha flung into the trees and landed on a very tall branch. "Stay here, I'm gonna go help!" Hattie got down from Sasha's back, turning around to look down towards those fighting. Jean and Connie were keeping the titan occupied while Eren went in for the kill. Hattie felt pride for him. He had only killed titans while in titan form. This would be his first kill while human. As his blades cut out the nape of the neck, the titan fell limp and skidded to a stop, Eren riding it down in victory.

Jean ran off the titan as vapor surrounded them and Eren jumped down next to him. The began to look around for Connie.

He wasn't there.

Hattie gasped and almost jumped out of the tree. Before she could say anything, Sasha swung down towards them, crying out for Connie as she did so. "Sasha!" Hattie called out and felt her dread getting stronger. She was stuck up in the tree and unable to help.

She watched as Sasha landed next to the evaporating body of the titan, looking around for Connie while calling out his name, Jean and Eren both running around looking for their friend.

A thump next to her alerted her and she looked to see a worried Mikasa. Hattie shook her head and felt tears prick her eyes. Not Connie...

Her head turned when Sasha let out a startling, blood curdling scream. The brunette fell to her knees and wrapped her arms around a body that was once Connie. The titan fell on him.

"No..." Hattie felt tears run down her face. "No Connie..."

Mikasa took her friend's hand and put it over her shoulders. "Come on, let's go help Sasha." She said solemly.

As soon as they landed, Levi pulled his horse to a stop next to Sasha and the boy in her arms. Hattie rushed over, almost flinging herself into his arms, but stopped when she got closer to Sasha.

The reminates of the 104th on the expedition surrounded Sasha almost in a protective barrier. Hattie fell next to Sasha and looked down. Connie was barely breathing and was looking at Sasha with loving eyes. Hattie felt a sob take her over. How could they not see it? Connie and Sasha...

"H-Hattie...hey." Connie coughed slightly. His breath coming out in rasps. Hange ran over to them as soon as she reached the small crowd. "Hattie...can you and Jean be a witness?"

Hattie shook her head in confusion. "Connie, I don't know what you are talking about."

Sasha looked at Hattie and Jean with a grief stricken face before turning towards the commander. "Please, marry us, please before it is too late."

Jean and Hattie looked at eachother and then back to the trio. Hange smiled sadly and put her hand on Sasha's shoulders. "Yes. I will. Levi, Moblit, stand next to me." The commander stood up and other squad members surrounded them, all with sadness in their eyes. Jean kneeled next to Hattie, taking Connie's hand in reassurance.

Hattie wrapped an arm around Sasha's shoulders and pulled her close. She would do anything for her friend that saved her life. Both of them.

"As the 14th commander of the Survey Corps, I am in charge of legal matters. These two, Connie Springer and Sasha Braus, have expressed their desire to marry. Though it is forbidden, I think the circumstances will allow." Hange said out loud and Connie tried to wipe away Sasha's tears.

"You're supposed to be happy, Sash." He said as playfully as his voice would allow. Sasha nodded and sniffed, clinging onto Connie carefully.

Hange continued. "I will make this quick. Connie Springer, please repeat after me: I, Connie Springer, take you Sasha Bruas, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until...death do us part." Hange looked reluctant to say the last part.

Connie smiled. " I, Connie Springer, take you Sasha Bruas, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part." His grip on her hand tightened.

Hange looked at the girl. "Sasha Braus, repeat after me: I, Sasha Braus, take you Connie Springer, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."

Sasha stifled her sobs and looked into Connie's eyes. "I, Sasha Braus, take you Connie Springer, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day and forever. Not even death will part us, I swear." She rested her forehead on his.

Hange looked at Moblit and Levi, both giving their respective nods and Hange turned back to the four in front of her. "Then I declare and introduce you as Mr. and Mrs. Springer. You may kiss your bride." Hange turned away, grief stricken.

Sasha didn't want for a moment longer and pressed her lips on to Connie's. They stayed like that for a while until Connie became limp and Sasha's sobs and pleas continued. Hattie held her friend close to her and placed a hand on Connies head. Sasha wrapped her arms around Hattie as Jean and Eren carefully removed Connie's body from Sasha's lap and Hattie felt sick as she realized that Sasha became a widow as fast as she became a bride.

Hattie's eyes found Levi's and she couldn't tell if he was angry or horrified. Hattie hugged Sasha closer and she closed her eyes, letting the girl weep on her shoulder.

* * *

><p>They had wrapped Connie up in nice cloth and wove flowers into a nice arrangement and placed him on a plank in the river. Sasha walked him out into the tide and said a prayer before letting him go. Before Connie's body left her sight, she shot a flaming arrow and lit the plank on fire. Armin told them that an old civilization used to send off their brave warriors like that. Sasha liked the thought of sending her husband off like the warrior he was.<p>

They left after that and made it safely to the rendevouz. Sasha was given a room for grieving and to be alone in her thoughts. Jean and Eren didn't fight and Mikasa and Armin clung to Eren. Jean stared at Mikasa.

Hattie's heart sank down further than it was before. What if Jean never told Mikasa his feelings and died? What if she died and her and Levi never got married?

Her throat closed up and her heart beat faster. What _if_ she died and they didn't get married? Levi would be alone forever, continuing to suffer. She stood up and hurried towards the room that Levi was occupying for the night. Panic filled her.

When she opened the door she was shocked to see Hange, Moblit, and Levi talking at table, a bottle of liquor in between them.

"You're drinking out side the walls?" Hattie felt anger rise up. What a stupid and reckless thing to do!

"Relax, brat. We don't get drunk. We just toasted to Connie, that's all." Levi said, not even looking at her. She felt herself relax a little.

"May I have one?" She pulled out a chair and sat with them. Hange gave her a small glass and Levi poured a little of the liquor. Hattie raised her glass before downing it, burning her already sore throat. She set her glass down and placed her head in her hands.

Hange placed a hand on her head and stared at the table, while Levi stared at Hattie for a moment.

"You did a good thing back there." Hattie looked at Hange. "So you know. I don't think you hear that enough as commander."

The older woman smiled and thanked Hattie by patting her back. "If you hadn't have seen that titan, we would have buried many more today. You also did well." Moblit spoke up and smiled at her.

Hattie shook her head and felt tears stream down her face. "It's my fault he's dead. How can I even look Sasha in the eyes?" She placed a palm on her forehead.

"You're fault? How so?" Hange tilted her head in confusion.

Levi scoffed. "She took off with out help and her gear broke."

Hattie didn't deny it. It was true, she acted irresponsibly and now Connie was dead. One of their greater soldiers.

"Levi." Hange sent him a scold. She looked back at Hattie. "Unless you could work magic, I don't think that it is your fault. You couldn't help that Mikasa's horse stalled or that your gear malfunctioned or even if others couldn't reach you in time. It is no one's fault, not Connie's, not your's, and not anyone's. It just happened."

"Shitty glasses is right. Don't blame yourself, it's not worth it." Levi grabbed the bottle and rolled it around in his hands absently mindly.

Hange stood up and motioned for Moblit. "We have to go see how everyone is doing and make a plan. See you in a few, Levi?"

He nodded at her and Hange and Moblit took their leave. Hattie stared at her glass, her tears not stopping, no matter what Hange or Levi said. She was to scared.

"You shouldn't have gone with out me." Levi said surprisingly calm. He set the bottle down and rested his elbows on the table.

She shook her head. "They all would have died and I was with Mikasa, I thought I was covered."

He was quiet for a moment before speaking again. "I couldn't get to you fast enough."

Their knees touched under the table and Hattie reached out to trace his knuckles with the pads of her fingers. "I was alright. I just banged my hip pretty hard. Even if Connie didn't distract the titan, I would have been okay for a few more seconds."

Levi watched her fingers and his jaw set. "I could have lost you."

"You didn't." She said softly.

"Yet." She stopped tracing his knuckles and stared at him. Was he worried like her?

She bit her lip and inhaled sharply. "So, um...why do we have to wait until we go back home?"

He frowned and his lips turned into a line hard line. "Don't."

She retracted her hand and placed it back in her lap. "Don't what?"

"Don't say shit like you are going to die." He looked angry by her words. His back straightened up and his glare intensified.

Hattie stood up and left her chair, her hands gripping her hair. Images of Sasha crying over Connie's body and their tragic vows. Sasha watching her husband die in her arms...they didn't even get a life together. Hattie was alive now. She didn't want to wait until it was too late. What would happen to Levi? What if Levi was the one who didn't make it? "I'd die..." She whispered.

She heard a chair move and footsteps behind her. "What did you say?"

She turned around and faced him, letting go of her hair. "If I lost you now, I wouldn't go on living. You're the only reason I live and have lived this whole time." She gulped when he grit his teeth. "I couldn't do it. Not with out you."Hattie began to cry. "I already lost Farlan and Isabel. I can't lose you too."

When he raised his hand, she was sure he was going to hit her, but instead he cupped her cheek softly and made her look at him. "We can't. Not now. Didn't you hear what Shitty Glasses said? It is forbiden, for a reason. We need to concentrate of surviving and then you and I can be idiots all we want on that stupid beach you kept talking about."

Hattie shook her head in panic. "Levi, I lost you once and it tore me to pieces. I can't live like this, wondering if I will get to be your wife one day or if I will end up like Sasha."

"Shut up." He let his hand drop and his face twisted in anger. "Don't say any more." He turned away from her and ran a hand through his hair.

"Please Levi-"

"Enough!" He turn around quickly and he was breathing deeply to keep his calm. "Stop." He crossed his arms. "Maybe it wasn't a good idea."

Balling her fists, she turned toward the door. "Yeah, I guess so."

* * *

><p><strong>Yay! I did it! I made a longer chapter and managed to update! Woo!<strong>

**Tell me whatcha think!**

**-Jane**


	8. Chapter 8

Hattie spent the night on guard duty, well most of it. She and Mikasa were part of a group that paired off and surrounded their temporary HQ as part of a night watch. Hattie kept to herself and Mikasa stared off into the night.

"I can't even imagine." Mikasa said quietly, the chirping of bugs filling the painful silence. "To lose someone like that."

Hattie looked at Mikasa, blinking her thoughts away to be in the present. "You have though, with your parents, Mr. and Mrs. Jaeger, and losing Eren that one time. You know what it feels like."

"I never held them in my arms and felt them die. Seeing and feeling are totally different." Mikasa pulled her scarf up over her mouth.

Hattie looked down at the ground, pulling her legs to her chest. "Jean loves you, you know. You're his world."

Mikasa's head whipped around to look at her and her dark eyes widened. "What?"

Hattie lifted her chin and sighed. "He's loved you since the day he met you. Everyone knows it but you. He backs off because he thinks you're still in love with Eren."

The dark haired girl looked away from Hattie and back to their surroundings. "Eren doesn't like me like that. I came to terms with it and I keep moving on to help with the rejection."

Hattie pushed her hair out of her face and felt sadness when she remembered she cut it all off. "Maybe you should give him a chance. If you don't work out, then you can both say you tried and have no regrets."

Mikasa nodded and inhaled deeply. "Maybe I should." A slight blush creeped onto her face. "I mean, I know Eren calls him horseface, but he is actually quite handsome."

Hattie scrunched her nose. She never looked at Jean that way. She always liked Reiner and Bertholdt, until..."Do you think that Reiner and Bertholdt were truly evil or that they were pawns?" Hattie bit her lip.

"Where is that coming from?" Mikasa frowned.

"I was good friends with them. They were good people that happened to be terrible monsters. They looked miserable when they revealed themselves, Reiner lost his mind. Don't you think it is strange that those two showed up as children and then lived with us for years and then when they had to come clean, there were tortured by their sins? I mean, they did a terrible thing, but no kid thinks about doing stuff like that. I think they were bribed." Hattie swallowed and thought about Bertholdt sweet smile and Reiner's humor. Now they were gone.

Mikasa pulled one leg up to her chest. "It doesn't matter any more. I'm sad they were the ones who hurt us, but I also felt betrayl and I used that to follow my orders."

Bitterness filled Hattie. "You're a good soldier."

"But a terrible human being." Mikasa looked at her hands. "So what about shorty?"

Hattie stood up and pulled out her triggers. Hange was able to get Hattie a new 3DMG when they made it to the HQ. "Come on, we need to do rounds." She didn't want to talk about Levi right then.

* * *

><p><em>Hungry...<em>

Hattie felt her body slump forward as they made it through a mountain trail, Sasha leading them with her expert eyes.

Sasha seemed to being doing well, despite what had happened only a week ago. She liked to spend the nights along, but she never missed a meal and she still contributed to the mission. Hattie was proud of her friend, but also gave her space to mourn properly.

She avoided Levi at all costs and we secretly over joyed when she was able to join her other squad mates, much to the annoyance of Levi. But thanks to her new spot, she was able to witness the first time Mikasa flirted back with Jean. Eren looked like he wanted to barf and bantered with Hattie and Armin to keep from kicking Jean in the side. But she did have to admit that staring forward at the back of Levi's head was taking her mind off her surroundings.

"I have a feeling that you and the corporal aren't getting along." Armin said quietly so other's couldn't hear. "You alright?"

Sending a glare at the back of Levi's head, she sniffed, putting her nose in the air. "Peachy."

Eren looked at Mikasa, who shrugged. Hattie didn't even tell her best friend what had happened between her and the short captain. "Do you want to talk about it?" Armin asked.

"Might make you feel better." Jean said next to them, grunting as his horse dodged a tree stump.

Hattie considered talking about it, since Levi called it off, but she felt like it would make the situation worse. She had to bottle her emotions, as much as she hated it. She didn't like keeping things from her friends. "Thanks, but I can't." Then she turned her head. "Jean, why are you in this conversation."

"Uh, because I am your friend and comrade and I am concerned about your disgusting crush on our Corporal." He raised a brow. "That and now I can harrass you once again."

"I outta pull your teeth out." Hattie growled.

"We're coming to a stop! Keep alert!" A squad leader yelled at the others and Hattie pulled gently on her reigns to stop her horse. She looked around them and smiled. They were almost through the mountain pass.

Hattie looked towards Mikasa and felt her smile widen further. Jean was helping her off of her horse. Eren looked like he wanted to jump off his and kill Jean. _When will they ever quit their feud? Idiots..._

"Walker! Arlert! Upfront!" She heard Hange yell and she motioned her horse to move towards the front of the formation.

Levi was glaring at Hattie while Moblit greeted them with a friendly smile. Hange sighed and stretched her neck. "We'll stop here. We made lots of progress today and I am unnerved by the fact we haven't seen a titan yet." She looked at Hattie and Levi. "Set up a perimeter and post, Armin, Moblit, and I will look at our map and make sure we are still on track. If we get to the swamps in the next couple of days, we might be able to miss the winter in the humidity."

Hattie almost groaned in frustration, but she held it in and followed her Corporal on 3DMG up the mountain side.

When he came to a stop on the top of the mountain, he peered over the entire pass. "Looks safe."

Hattie stopped next to him and looked. It was quiet and peaceful. "Looks."

He sent her a side glance and turned, jumping out of the tree they were in. "On the ground."

Gooseflesh came over Hattie. The ground was dangerous, no matter how skilled of a soldier you were. "Corporal! Wait!" Hattie swung down next to him. "This isn't-"

"Safe? We're fine. Trust me, there aren't any titans here." He continued to walk, leaving Hattie slightly confused.

"Just because we didn't see any doesn't mean they aren't out there!" She grabbed his cloak to stop him. "You are being reckless!"

He swung around, effectively knocking her hand away. "If I die, I die. I am tired of living like livestock. You either shut up and follow me or go back to the others."

Pent up rage bursted and she swung her hand, hitting his cheek. "You son of a bitch! What is the matter with you!" She grabbed his cavrat. "You have been acting like death is here to get you! Your paperwork is behind, you aren't eating, cleaning, or even the same man!" She let go of him. "What is the matter with you?"

He didn't look angry or bothered. Just tired. "I think it is better you never know."

"Why?" She clenched her fists. "Because I am no longer your fiance? Or perhaps I never was? Have I ever meant anything to you but a second resort to Petra?"

That made him angry. The way he glared daggers at her frightened Hattie. "This has nothing to do with her."

Hattie shook her head. "Doesn't it?"

Levi growled and began to walk forward, away from Hattie. She ran after him, stopping in front of him. "People notice. They know there is something up. They can see it on your face. Now tell me!"

He closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair, effectively messing up its perfect part. "The titans...they are made from humans."

Hattie nodded. "We know that."

He looked at her with unsure eyes. "Children to be exact."

The world stopped around Hattie and she stared at Levi with a horrified expression. They had been killing children this entire time? Then...when Levi destroyed the source he must of..."Oh gods, Levi..."

He walked past her, continuing down the path he originally was on. "We have to move."

She nodded absent mindly and followed him down the mountain side on foot, not saying another word.

* * *

><p>That night Hattie could not sleep. Her mind trailed back to the fact that titans were made from human children and that they killed them. Even worse, Levi had to kill children to stop the titans. No wonder he seemed to give up on things that he used to think were important. It also explained the strange engagement they had.<p>

There was never romance between them. Hattie loved him, that was for sure. But Levi never hinted at any romantic feelings towards her. After loosing Petra, he was probably afraid to feel like that ever again.

Not to mention, he kind of raised her. They didn't have a brother/sister relationship like Isabel or the father figure like Farlan. He was just there, close, but never to close. It was just some rash decision he made to not feel alone or like a monster.

He only did what was best for humanity. _That isn't what it feel like though. _Hattie thought and rolled over again. The stars were bright over them, but hard to see because of the tree tops. Occasionally she would hear the patrol going from tree to tree. She was lucky and got off the hook.

She sat up and looked around at her companions. Looking at Levi's tent, she could see the lamp was still on. She stood up quietly and tipped toed around those on the ground. Even if he didn't want her, she would be there for him.

She peered into the tent, noticing that no one was in there, but the grass was bent in a circle as if a bucket was there and a couple items were missing. _He is bathing._

Hattie looked around and saw a leather book with pages sticking out of it next to the make shift sleeping pad. Her gut told her to leave, but something inside of her heart tugged her to open it. Looking behind her, she snuck in and picked up the book. It was all in Levi's hand writing. No matter how sophisticated he wanted to be, his chicken scratch looked like a small child's hand writting.

_Dear Hattie-_

She stopped and flipped throught the pages some more. They were all letters to her, ever since the last letter...

She steadied herself and flipped back to the most resent looking one.

_Dear Hattie,_

_I know you hate me know, but now that you know that dirty secret of mine, I have to come clean. If you are reading this, I am no longer around._

Hattie felt her heart rate increase her fingers trembled.

_I have left specific instructions for shitty glasses in this book, since she will be the one to go through my belongings, since she is commander._

_I want you to know that I never had intentions of marrying you. Not because of you, but because of me. I don't have plans to make it through the end. I didn't have any plans of living by the sea or owning a shop, starting a family._

_I killed innocent children. I don't deserve to live. So, I am going to die at the end, hopefully you won't see it._

_You need to know that I didn't mean to hurt you. I do have fond thoughts of you. But you need to live, go to the sea and live your life. Maybe pop out some brats with whomever. But don't let my death tear you apart. I know how you feel._

_Don't hate me._

_Levi._

The book dropped out of her hands and she gasped and dropped to her knees, trying to pick up the scattered pages.

That bastard.

"I don't remember giving you permission to go through my personal belongings."

She turned on her heal, papers in hand, looking at Levi who was in the corner of his tent, towel drapped around his shoulders. "How could you do this to me?" She choked and covered her mouth, standing on shaking legs. "You're going to kill yourself?"

"My plan was just to die in battle, but if I need to-"

"How could you do this to me?!" She yelled, holding the papers in front of her with shaking hands. "Do you have any idea what consequences this would have? How many people this will hurt?"

Levi grabbed the papers and bent down to pick up the letters, placing them neatly in the book again. "I didn't have others in mind. It's not about them."

"Why not?" Hattie reeled in the urge to kick him while he was at her feet.

He sighed and stood up, brushing dirt off of the leather. "I told you, it's not about them."

"So, you didn't think about how it would hurt me or how Hange, the others, would mourn you? How humanity would mourn you? You are loved by many!"

"Would they love me if they knew what I had done?" He looked her in the eye, as if challenging her.

Hattie didn't know what to say to that. Those inside the walls...no, they would condem him. But those in the Survey Corps would understand. "You're a coward."

He nodded and placed the book on his bed, removing the towel from his shoulders. "I have known this for a long time."

Hattie stood there, tears almost falling out of her eyes, but her rage keeping them contained. "You're not the Levi I knew. He was strong, he fought through it all. He lost many, but he still fought for what was right. You were my hero..." She backed away towards the door. "But now, you are just a bitter old man who has given up his right as a human being in this world."

"You can say what you like, Hattie, my mind is made up. You weren't there when it happened, you didn't hear their screams for their mothers and fathers, their loved ones. How can I keep going after knowing what I did?"

"It was us or them, Levi. Either way, it wasn't going to end well. If it wasn't you, it would have been some one else, some one who wasn't as strong as you. It may be a terrible burden, but think of all the other things there are to live for." Hattie was almost on her knees. "If you do this, I won't ever forgive you."

His sighed and shook his head. "So what do you want?"

"I want you to live." Hattie said gently. "The best you can."

"With you?" He scoffed at her. It hurt her, but she shrugged.

"Any one. Just live."

He stared at her, as if thinking of a way out of it. "Even after what I did to you?"

"You wanted me to be happy. But now I know why you said it was a mistake. I wasn't going to be happy in the end." Hattie dropped her head. "It hurts, but not as much as what you have planned." She looked up at him again. "Isabel and Farlan would never forgive you either. Don't let their deaths be in vain."

That seemed to have hit him in away Hattie had never seen before. His tired eyes grew even redder and a tear fell from his eye. Hattie felt panic fill her chest and she pulled him to her, holding him in a tight embrace. "Please live. Even if it is just for some stupid reason, live."

His head dropped onto her shoulder and she rested her's on his shoulder. They stood there for several more minutes before Levi lifted his head. "Farlan was right. You are nothing but trouble."

* * *

><p><strong>I know that some of you may not like what Levi is doing or may say that doesn't sound like him. That was the point. His depression got to deep of a hold. I mean, he has been through a lot.<strong>

**Tell me what ya'll think!**


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